Hetalia Spy School
by privateer at heart
Summary: Matthew didn't know what to expect when he was force to go to Hetalia Spy School. He certainly didn't expect to meet such...interesting characters.
1. Chapter 1

Matthew Williams walked into the large building with gothic style architecture. It was gorgeous, but he was much too nervous to appreciate the architecture right now. His parents had to decide to send him to a _spy_ school of all places. He still had no idea why, and it was worrying him. But now he had to concentrate on not getting killed the first day of school. That would probably be bad. Steeling himself, he walked down the corridor towards an open door that said office. _This would probably be the best place to start,_ He thought to himself. As he got closer, he heard a conversation coming from the inside.

"But it was an awesome prank Ludwig. So you shouldn't punish your older brother!" said a loud, confident voice.

An annoyed voice answered him.

"We have a new student coming today Gilbert. But you had to go and lock Arthur, who was supposed to be showing him around, in a room with Alfred. And then you lost the key! Do you know how long it's going take to get them out of there? You'll have to show the new student around, which will NOT create a good impression."

Matthew wondered why that would not create a good impression. Something told him he was going to find out. Maple.

"I participated in the prank too. Maybe I can show the newcomer around," A silky, French voice suggested.

The person with the annoyed voice answered him, but now he also seemed a bit panicked.

"No. I do not want the new boy running away in fear. I would ask Antonio, as he participated in the prank too, but he would run off as soon as he saw Lovino."

Matthew reached the door and peered inside. The office looked like a normal school office. Desk, chairs, etc. But the people in it were not normal. First, there was an arrogant looking albino sitting with his feet propped up on the desk. And was that a chick in his hair? Yes it was. It was cute, unlike the person it was sitting on. Nope, he was not cute. At all. And he wasn't in denial either! Then there was a guy with his blond hair slicked back that gave of a menacing aura. Matthew guessed that he had been the one scolding the others. Another boy was leaning against the wall and why was he examining hisnails_?_ He didn't appear to be bothered by the scolding at all. And there was another guy, tapping excitedly on his cell phone's keyboard. And then he started talking.

"Lovi is just the cutest thing ever! Right now, he's ignoring all my texts, which means he's play hard to get. So adorable!"

Matthew looked at him in disbelief. He noticed the other expressions ranged from shock to amusement. Was this a normal school? Matthew decided it wasn't as the tan boy continued to text while humming happily. He continued staring at him, shocked, until a loud voice brought his attention back to the conversation that was currently going on.

"Why can't you show the new student around?" the albino student demanded, pouting.

The menacing looking blond stammered,"Feliciano needs help with something."

Matthew was interested. He hadn't thought it was humanly possible to turn that shade of red. This amused the albino student who cackled a weird laugh-sounded like 'kesesesesese'- and said,

"You're making me show the new kid around so you can spend more time with your boyfriend? Harsh, Luddy!"

Ludwig blushed even more at that comment (and Matthew had thought it was impossible to turn redder, apparently he'd been wrong) and stated calmly,"You need to take more responsibility for your actions Gilbert. The things you do have consequences."

Matthew thought it was a good mini-speech, but Gilbert ignored it entirely.

Instead, grinning, he asked, "I notice you didn't deny you and Feliciano are a couple. So is it official now?" Matthew could clearly see that Ludwig was trying not to lose his temper.

He was doing quite well too, calmly (and forcibly) stating, "Of course not. I was just focusing on another topic for the time being. Why can you not get it through your head that Feliciano and I are not a couple?"

Just then, a blur passed by Matthew into the office and attacked the tall blond boy. Matthew did a double take when he realized him wasn't attacking, but hugging the boy. Matthew was impressed with the other boy's courage. And strength. He had managed to knock Ludwig to the ground and was sitting on his stomach, chattering excitedly.

"Ve~ Ludwig where were you? I was getting worried. And I looked around and I didn't find you and then I walked in on Alfred and Arthur and they were kissing, and I asked them were you would be and Alfred said to try the office, but then Arthur started yelling at him about ruining the mood, and so I got out before he started yelling at me, but I think he isn't mad anymore because I turned around to say good bye and Alfred was kissing Arthur again. So then I came here and there you were! And I'm so happy to see you!" He threw his arms around Ludwig's neck.

Matthew blinked. How had that boy managed that all in one breath? This school was definitely not normal. Then again, it was a school for spies. Was he expecting it to be normal? Apparently this was normal behavior (for him at least) because Gilbert was cackling and taking photos with his cell phone while Francis chuckled and Antonio continued to type on his cell phone.

There was that weird laugh again. "Kesesesesese Ludwig, I thought you said you weren't his boyfriend. Ludwig opened his mouth, probably to deny it, but the boy currently hugging cut it and said, "Ve~ I am, but he asked me to keep it a secret. But you won't tell anyone, will you Gilbert?"

He looked hopefully at the albino, who looked like summer had come early. "Kesesesesese I don't have to Feli. I already updated facebook!"

Matthew was pretty sure that fell under the category of 'telling'. Feli apparently didn't think so because he said,"Ok!"

Ludwig just groaned and got up, gently lifting Feliciano up with him. He turned to Gilbert, who was still snapping pictures and said, "Gilbert!" in an outraged tone.

Gilbert ignored his outraged tone and said, "It would have gotten out anyway. The whole school was making bets as to when you two would start dating."

Ludwig sighed and started rubbing his temples. Feliciano looked worriedly at him and said, "Ve~ Does Ludwig have a headache? Do you want me to kiss it better?"

Ludwig started. "Actually, Feliciano-". But before he could say anything else, Francis interrupted him.

"Ohonhonhon. I'm sure Ludwig would love it if you kissed it better." What the heck, that guy had a creepy laugh too!

Feliciano threw his arms around Ludwig's neck and started kissing him all over his face, saying "Awww Ludwig is so adorable when his face gets red like this!"

Matthew stared in amusement as Feliciano continued to pepper Ludwig's face with kisses. Two occupants of the room were laughing their weird laughs while another was typing on his cell phone. No prizes for guessing who.

Feliciano continues until Ludwig manages to compose himself pulling away from Feliciano and shooting glares at two of the room's occupants. Again, no prizes for guessing who. Francis and Gilbert ignore him.

"So if you're done, Luddy, are you going to show the new transfer student around?" Gilbert asked innocently.

Ludwig glared at him, aware he was trying to get out of showing the new student around. "No, you are going to show him around. I trust you marginally more than I trust Francis."

Ignoring Francis's cry of, "You wound me cher!" Ludwig started moving toward the door. "I wonder why he has not showed up yet."

Matthew decided that now would be a good time to introduce himself. "Um hello? I'm new here and I was wondering if someone would show me around."

Instantly, four pairs of eyes were on him.


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: I am in need of a beta reader. If someone would volunteer, that would be much appreciated. Otherwise, I will have to pester my sister for help.**

**I forgot to add this last time. I own a very nice collection of books, but I do not own Hetalia.**

* * *

><p>Matthew instantly turned red from all the attention focused on him.<p>

No one talked until Feliciano whispered (loudly) in Ludwig's ear, "Ve~ Ludwig, are you going to show the new student around? Does that mean we aren't going to go back to our room and kiss? Because I want to do that!"

Ludwig looked like he wanted to hit his head against the nearest wall while Gilbert and Francis cackled their weird laughs. Feliciano was looking up at Ludwig with wide, innocent eyes and Antonio was still typing away on his cell phone. Matthew just stood there, feeling awkward.

"Feli we need to concentrate on helping the new student, not other activities!" Ludwig scolded, turning a bit pink.

"But Luddy…" Feliciano said, whining.

Gilbert stopped cackling and said, "You and Feli and leave, Luddy. Francis and I can take care of the new kid."

"Um actually if you just give me a map I should be able to find my way around the school. I don't want to be too much of a bother," Matthew said, desperate to get away from the awkward situation.

"Naw, we wouldn't make someone as cute as you wander around the school alone," Gilbert said, flashing him a cocky grin.

Matthew was unsure of how to respond to his, so he settled for blushing.

"Gilbert…" Ludwig said warningly.

"Oh right, I'm the awesome Gilbert Beilschmidt. I'm the awesomest person in school. Who are you?"

The awesomest person in school? Matthew was sorry he had such a low opinion of himself. And shouldn't that be the most awesome? Then he realized Gilbert was looking at him expectantly.

"Oh I'm Matthew Williams. It's nice to meet you," Matthew said politely.

Suddenly, someone seized his hand and turned him around, bringing his hand to their lips. "Bonjour, mon cher. Je ma'pelle Francis Bonnefoy. It is a pleasure to meet one as cute as you," Francis purred, smirking.

Matthew was trying to get his hand back, but the French guy had a firm grip. Francis finally let go of his hand after several minutes. Matthew thought the twin glares Ludwig and Gilbert were shooting him had more than a little to do with it.

"I'm Ludwig Beilschmidt. It's nice to make your acquaintance," Ludwig said politely, if a bit stiffly.

In contrast to that, Feliciano happily said, "I'm his boyfriend, Feliciano Vargas! But you can call me Feli if you want Ve~."

He then pulled Matthew into a hug. After several seconds of this, Ludwig gently tugged Feliciano away, giving Matthew (who felt rather shell-shocked, he didn't usually get hugs) a sympathetic look.

"Now about your schedule…" Ludwig started to say, but he didn't finish before Gilbert interrupted him.

"Luddy, you forgot to introduce Toni! Totally not awesome." Gilbert pointed out.

"Hola! I'm Antonio Fernandez Carriedo," said the guy still typing away on his cell phone.

Then he squealed, "Lovi texted back! He says he's blocking my number. But if he does that, I won't be able to text him. This is terrible! I have to go talk to him!" and then he rushed out the door.

"Um sorry about that," Ludwig tried to explain to Matthew just what was happening, "You see, he's in love with Lovino, and he can sometimes be a bit melodramatic about it."

Matthew just nodded. He decided that was the safest answer.

"Here, I'll give you your schedule and then Gilbert can show you around the school," Ludwig said.

Gilbert cut in, "He's not showing you around because he wants to spend more time with Feliciano."

Ludwig glared at him, but Matthew noticed he didn't deny it.

"Anyway, here is your schedule. Gilbert will show you how to get to your classes and to your locker. The classes here are a bit more…unusual than regular high school classes." Ludwig said.

Matthew gave him a slight smile, "I guessed as much."

"So first hour you have Political Science, then you have Secret Messages and Codes, after that you have a basic Spying class, then lunch. After lunch, you have the more normal classes, such as World History, Math, you're in Trig, that's advanced for a freshman, and lastly you have Latin. Why did you choose Latin? It's a dead language." Ludwig said.

"Oh, I choose Latin because it will help me understand other languages." Matthew said. His parents had been surprised when he chose Latin. That was the only class of his schedule he got to chose. The others were decided for him by the school.

"I see," said Ludwig, nodding his head, "Classes are an hour long. You will have a gym locker and a regular locker. Classes start next Monday, so people will be arriving in the next couple of days. You will share a dorm room with one other person. Here is your key, your schedule, and your locker combination. Any questions?"

Matthew was still trying to process all that information, so he shook his head no. Then he thought of one.

"Do you know who I'm sharing a room with?" Matthew asked, hoping it would be someone sane.

"Uh yes, it says on your schedule." Ludwig said.

Matthew looked at the schedule in his hands. He was in A21, with Gilbert Beilschmidt. He looked up to find Gilbert reading over his shoulder.

"Looks like you're with me Birdie! C'mon, I'll show you our room," Gilbert said, taking Matthew's hand and pulling him towards the door.

"Thank you Ludwig. And it was very nice to meet you all!" Matthew called over his shoulder. He could hear voices coming from the room.

"Let's go Ludwig, I want to make pasta!" said Feliciano.

"Aw, and I was hoping to be able to show that cutie around," said Francis's voice.

Matthew then heard a thumping noise. He was pretty sure it was Ludwig hitting his head against the table.

Gilbert continued to pull him through the hallways until they reached the dorms.

"So Birdie, this is our awesome dorm room!" Gilbert proclaimed loudly.

"Why are you calling me Birdie?" Matthew asked, picking his way through the messy dorm room to the bed that hadn't been sleep in, so he presumed it was his. He knew that his luggage would be arriving soon.

"Because you remind me of a bird!" said Gilbert happily, bouncing on his bed.

"Why?"

"I don't know why, you just do," said Gilbert.

Matthew decided it would be best for his sanity if he stopped questioning Gilbert's logic.

His stuff was delivered, and he cleaned (read: pushed Gilbert's mess over to Gilbert's side) and put away his clothes. Gilbert occupied himself by playing with the chick that had been sitting on his head the whole time.

"C'mon Birdie I'll show you the school, and then we can go get you fitted for your uniform," Gilbert said impatiently.

"Uniform? Ludwig d-didn't mention anything about a uniform," Matthew stammered.

"Oh yeah, he probably forgot to mention it because Feli was distracting him," Gilbert said, smirking.

"Now come on, I don't want to be late for dinner, so we should get this tour started!" Gilbert yelled as he pumped his fist and sauntered down the hallway.

Matthew followed behind him, trying to pretend he didn't know him. Unfortunately, he was pretty sure it wasn't working as the students passing gave the duo strange looks.

* * *

><p><strong>Translations: <strong>

**Bonjour: Good day**

**Mon cher: My dear**

**Je ma'pelle: My name is**


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N: No beta reader, so I did it myself. This explains the grammatical errors. Sorry this took so long, school started and junior year is very tiring.**

"Hey let me see your schedule," Gilbert demanded.

Matthew barely managed to keep from rolling his eyes, but figured it was pointless to protest, so he handed over his schedule.

"Hey we have the same classes!" Gilbert said, grinning.

Matthew felt an even stronger urge to roll his eyes. "Your brother went over my schedule while you were there. Were you even listening?"

"Um…no? I'm too awesome to listen to what Ludwig says!" the albino exclaimed.

"Too awesome. Right." Matthew muttered.

"Did you say something Birdie?" Gilbert asked, still studying Matthew's schedule (why, Matthew didn't know, he had the same schedule after all).

"Why are you calling me Birdie?" Matthew questioned. It had been bothering him for a while, and he hadn't got a satisfactory answer last time.

"Because you remind me of my pet bird!" Gilbert said cheerfully.

Matthew really didn't know what to say to that. Was that a compliment or an insult? He decided to go with the safest answer.

"Why?"

"Because you're small and cute," Gilbert said, grinning evilly.

"I am not small, eh! I'm just as tall as you are," Matthew pointed out.

"Yeah, but my awesomeness automatically makes me taller," Gilbert said smugly.

Matthew really wanted to find a nice wall to bang his head against. He decided to give up trying to talk sense to Gilbert, it just wasn't working.

They finally got to Matthew's first class, which was Political Science. Gilbert had gotten them lost several times, and when Matthew asked why he hadn't been paying attention, he started guiltily and made up some story about him being to awesome to pay attention. Matthew didn't believe him for a second.

The class was easy enough to find (once he stopped following Gilbert and read the map Ludwig had given him). The Political Science room was fairly large because it was a required course. There were different maps of the world all over. Some looked like climate maps and some looked like maps from different periods of history. And of course there was the current world map.

Matthew crossed to the bookcase and looked at the books they would be reading for the course. Surprisingly, there were a lot of history books. He turned to Gilbert to ask him why, and noticed he was staring at Matthew. _No, he must_ _be staring at something behind me,_ Matthew thought. He motioned for Gilbert to come over, which he did.

"Why are there history books in the political science room?" Matthew questioned.

"They teacher says that to understand the present we must first study the past," Gilbert said, as if he had heard it a lot.

"You've had her before? Then why are you taking this class again?" Matthew said, tilting his head to the side.

"Because she wanted her class to be awesome of course!" Gilbert shouted.

Matthew raised his eyebrow. "What's the real reason, Gilbert?" he asked patiently.

"Oh, Antonio and Francis and I skipped class last year during finals day so we could play a prank. So now we have to take her class again, which is totally not awesome! But Antonio is happy because his roommate with anger problems is in this class. He really likes that unawesome little jerk for some reason. Oh, and Francis will have Arthur to annoy, so it won't be that bad. We might even create some chaos!" Gilbert said excitedly.

Matthew didn't say anything. He had a feeling he would be doing that rather a lot around Gilbert.

There was really nothing else to look at in the room, so they headed to Matthew's next class, Secret Messages and Codes. Matthew had a feeling this class would be interesting. The room was close to his last class, so he wouldn't have that far to walk. That was good. Matthew knew he would need all his energy for the Spying class. The Secret Messages and Codes room was really not that interesting, just a simple room.

They went to his Spying class next, which was in the gym. Matthew was really worried about this class because he didn't do much athletic other than hockey. Gilbert chatted almost nonstop during the tour, but Matthew tuned him out, stressing about the new school.

They started passing more and more people in the hallways. Matthew noticed, and tried to ask Gilbert about it, but Gilbert just kept talking. Matthew was getting more and more exasperated with him. Suddenly, a loud voice echoed in the empty hallway.

"Oi potato bastard!" came an angry voice from the down the hallway, "It's time for dinner. Ludwig sent me to get you. Now let's go before everything is gone!"

"You actually listened to what Ludwig said? Have you gone soft Loviiiiii?" Gilbert smirked, drawing out the boy's name.

An angry looking boy (who looked almost exactly like Feliciano from earlier) came into view, his face quickly turning a red that could rival Ludwig's shade, "I have not gone soft, damnit! He was going to send Feli, but that idiot would have gotten lost, so I went for him. Plus it gets me away from some annoying classmates. Speaking of which, don't call me Lovi!" he huffed.

Gilbert's smirk widened, "Is it because only Antonio can call you Lovi?"

Lovi's face (which had started to return to its normal shade) blossomed into bright red again, "No idiot, that's not it at all! He isn't supposed to call me Lovi either. He just does and he won't stop. It's fucking annoying."

"Really," Gilbert said, his tone saying he didn't believe him.

"Really," Lovino said firmly, still blushing a bit.

They stood there, trying to stare each other down. Lovino was trembling like he was scared, but he wouldn't back down. Their staring contest ending when two things happened simultaneously.

One, Matthew stammered, "We should get going, eh? We don't want to be late for dinner." Unfortunately, Lovino didn't hear him and Gilbert was going to respond when the second thing interrupted him. Namely, Lovino was knocked over by an enthusiastic Spaniard. The both ended up on the floor, Antonio on top of Lovino.

This was apparently normal, as he began cooing to Lovino, "Aww Lovi where were you? I looked for you at dinner but you weren't there, so I decided to search for you and make sure you weren't hurt or kidnapped or something. And now I've found you so we can go eat!"

"Bastard, get off of me. I can't eat with you on top of me," Lovino growled in a way that Matthew supposed was supposed to be threatening, but as he was being crushed by Antonio, it came out breathless.

"Ok Lovi!" Antonio beamed, getting off of Lovino and then pulling him up.

"Yeah, let's go to dinner," Gilbert added. He had been watching the exchange with a look of amusement on his face. "We need to introduce Matthew to everybody.

"Who's Matthew?" Lovino demanded, having slapped away the Spaniard's attempts to hug him.

"This is Matthew of course," Gilbert said, motioning to Matthew. "He'll be attending the academy from now on."

Lovino doesn't look interested. "Yeah, yeah that's great, let's go get some food now."

The four of them head off toward the cafeteria, (relatively) quietly.


	4. Chapter 4

**A/N: This is short, and late, but I can promise another longer chapter in a week or so. Sorry, school has been a mess. Also, a special thank you to treegona who was the one to motivate me into finishing. Thank you! I do not own Hetalia. If I did, there would be a lot more love (but not the France kind). And now, on with the story!**

The cafeteria was loud, despite there being only around 30 people in the room. Matthew is sure it's because of this one spiky haired boy playfully arguing with another boy—wait, is that Alfred? It must be, he looked like Alfred, but more grown up.

Matthew hadn't seen his brother in eight years. After their parents had separated, their mother had taken Matthew back to her homeland, Canada, while their dad stayed with Alfred in the States. The two brothers had kept in touch, but had never met after the breakup.

If Matthew had remembered correctly, Alfred was loud and everyone always mistook Matthew for Alfred. Matthew was not looking forward to being pushed to the side again. But really, what could he do about it? Matthew could only hope that Alfred would not recognize him otherwise- just then he was lifted off the ground in a gigantic hug. It seemed like Alfred had remembered him, if the fact that Alfred was currently hugging the living daylights out of him was anything to go on.

Matthew started turning red because of two things. One, Alfred was squeezing him tightly, cutting of his supply of oxygen, while rambling about it being "totally awesome to see you again!" Matthew was pretty sure he heard Gilbert cough at the word awesome. Two, everyone was now staring at him. He was pretty sure the guy with huge eyebrows was trying to set him on fire with that glare of his. Finally, Alfred put him down. Matthew thought this would be the end, but noooo, that would be too easy.

Alfred proceeded to drag him over to the table (everyone else was still staring!) and announced, "Hey everyone, this is my bro, Matthew. He's almost as awesome as me!" The bushy browed boy had stopped glaring at him when Alfred mentioned Matthew was his brother. He now looked like he was trying to stop himself from banging his head against the table. Matthew could sympathize. He felt the same.

Suddenly, another voice broke in, "Kesesesese you aren't as awesome as me or Birdie, Alfred!"

Alfred pouted "I'm awesomer because I'm the hero, duh."

At this point, the guy with um, larger than life eyebrows came over and started yelling at Alfred about "speaking the Queen's English correctly!"

Gilbert was howling about Alfred being "whipped" at the start of a relationship.

Francis, for some reason, was trying to grope Arthur, causing Alfred to put his arm around Arthur protectively, while Arthur swore at Francis and tried to look like he wasn't enjoying Alfred's arm around him (and failing miserably, in Matthew's opinion).

At the table, the reactions were varied. A white haired boy clutching a puffin was watching them with an expressionless face. The boy next to him with a cross in hair was also uninterested, trying to scoot away from the spiky haired boy next to him, who was guffawing loudly.

A scary looking guy was also ignoring the spiky haired guy, preferring to listen to the shorter, feminine looking guy next to him who was chattering nervously, blushing.

Antonio was attempting to pull Lovino into his lap (how did they get to the table? Matthew could have sworn they were right behind Gilbert and him). Lovino was responding with very loud curses, attempting to hit Antonio. Antonio was cooing as if nothing was wrong, and eventually did manage to pull Lovino into his lap. He nuzzled Lovino's neck, causing Lovino to turn read and curse at him (again).

Feliciano had clamored into Ludwig's lap, and was attempting to feed him, so "they could be just like Alfred and Arthur, ve~".

Ludwig was blushingly allowing Feliciano to feed him, while Gilbert looked on with unholy amusement. Matthew had a feeling he was filing this away for future blackmail. He turned around again, trying to find anyone sane. However, before he could observe the others in the cafeteria, his mind was scared by the images of Alfred and Arthur making out. He quickly turned away.

Wait, if Francis wasn't groping Arthur anymore, where was he? Suddenly, he felt a hand on a place that was…inappropriate. So that's where Francis went. He blushed and moved away from the Frenchmen (he was really crept out by now). Unfortunately, Francis moved with him. Gilbert by now had noticed, and was glaring at Francis while stalking over. Thankfully, he did not join in, but pulled him off of Matthew, scolding him about scaring "Birdie".

Arthur had noticed that he was making out with Alfred in public, and started to yell at Alfred about public decency. Alfred replied that he didn't care, while another blond was yelling at him for disturbing his sister.

Suddenly, Matthew understood. This wasn't a school. It was an insane asylum masquerading as a school. He was doomed. And he hadn't even gotten though introductions yet.


	5. Chapter 5

**A/N: This is short, but it's on time! I have to take the PSAT tomorrow, so wish me luck!. Also, I do not own Hetalia**.

Speaking of introductions, Alfred was now dragging Matthew over to the table. Somehow, he had gotten Arthur to stop yelling at him (Matthew had no idea how exactly) and thought that Matthew wanted to be introduced to everyone. Matthew didn't. He wanted to run away as fast as he could. Seeing as that wasn't really an option, Matthew allowed himself to be dragged over to the table by Alfred. Arthur was following behind them, keeping his distance from Francis. Alfred stopped in front of the table, forcing Matthew to stop too. Everyone was staring at him. Matthew was going to do kill Alfred for putting him in this situation. Actually, no he wasn't. Because then Arthur would be mad at him and he seemed like one of the saner people in this school. Matthew had no idea how he ended up dating Alfred.

Alfred's bright voice broke through his thoughts, "Matthew, this is everyone. Everyone, this is Matthew!"

"Alfred, maybe it would be easier if you told Matthew their actual _names_" Arthur pointed out.

"Hahahaha I knew that…" Alfred trailed off awkwardly, before recovering and saying "So Mattie this is Arthur, my totally adorable boyfriend…" He trailed off again when Arthur stepped on his foot.

"Ignore the bloody git please, I am not adorable. My name is Arthur Kirkland, and it is a pleasure to meet you." Said Arthur, sticking out his hand for Matthew to shake. Matthew smiled and shook his hand. He had a feeling everyone was not going to be as polite as Arthur. Arthur's introduction seemed to prompt everyone else.

"Ve~ I'm Feliciano and this is my boyfriend Ludwig. He's the best boyfriend ever! He's really nice and me and helps me when I get lost and…"

"Shut up about the stupid potato Feli! I still haven't given you permission to date him. I'm Lovino, by the way. And I'm not dating Antonio!"

Matthew just nodded, not really wanting to point out the irate Italian that he was in Antonio's lap.

"Lovi that's mean! I am your boyfriend. And I'm Antonio. It's nice to meet you. Do you like tomatoes?"

Both Ludwig was giving him a look that said 'ignore them and you might retain some sanity'. Matthew wholeheartedly believed him.

A kind looking girl smiled at Matthew. "Hello, I'm Elizaveta. Are you and Gilbert dating?"

"Wha-at no!" Matthew stammered, blushing.

She shrugged, "Well, he has his arm around you, so I was just wondering. You two would be really cute together!"

Matthew noticed that Gilbert did have his arm around him. When had that happened? Oh well, it was something safe in this crazy school.

A rumble broke through his thoughts, " M' B'erw'ld. Th's is m' w'fe, T'no." The menacing looking blond gestured to his right.

The boy he was referring to blushed. "Ignore him please. He still insists I'm his wife even though I've told him again and again that I'm a boy. And he shares a room with me, so he must have noticed."

The spikey haired blond next to him laughed, "You know, if you didn't look like such a girl Tino…" The expressionless blond next to him smacked him. "Hell, I'm Lukas. This is Soren. He's an idiot."

"Aww come on Lukas! You know you love me."

"No I do not," Lukas icily replied. Motioning to the boy next to him, he said, "This is my brother, Erik"

The boy with the puffin gave Matthew a short nod.

He was sitting next to a young girl. She gave Matthew a cheerful smile, "I'm Lilli. It's nice to meet you."

Matthew smiled back. She seemed nice.

A terse voice broke through his thoughts. "I'm Vash. Lilli is my sister. Don't even think about dating her. I have guns and I'm not afraid to use them."

Matthew nodded fearfully.

"Jeez Vash, be nicer to Birdie. He just got here and you're all scaring him."

This was very true, but no one was listening. They were too busy engaging in the various acts of fighting, hitting on each other, and making out. Dinner, apparently, was not important, even though everyone had food in front of them.

Matthew turned to ask Alfred where the food was, and then quickly turned back around. Arthur and Alfred were kissing again. Where was their sense of decency?

Turning to Gilbert, who was watching the fighting, Matthew asked, "Gilbert? Do you know where the food is?"

Gilbert immediately nodded and grabbed Matthew's wrist. "This way Birdie! The awesome me will show you where the food is at!"

Somehow, Matthew felt this wasn't much better that being with everyone else at the table.


	6. Chapter 6

**A/N: Oh look, an update! I do not own Hetalia. If I did, I would have some skill with art.**

"Ok, a few things you're going to need to know to survive this school. Or rather, the people at this school. Hetalia's easy to survive once you get used to it. The people, not so much." Gilbert informed Matthew as he dragged him to the counter piled with food. "First, don't hit on Tino. Berwald will glare at you until you spontaneously combust. Don't hit on Feliciano. He will likely not understand you, but offer you pasta anyways and then not understand when Ludwig gets mad at you. Don't hit on Lovino, he'll swear at you and then Antonio will threaten you will his axe."

"His axe?" Matthew squeaked. He knew Gilbert was exaggerating about the spontaneously combusting thing, but he said axe with a straight face.

Gilbert nodded. "Yes, his axe. At Hetalia, everyone is proficient with at least one weapon. I'll tell you about everyone's weapons later. Right now, I'm telling you the things that you need to survive. The most important thing is never to doubt my awesomeness. I should have said that first."

Matthew just nodded, knowing he was going to ignore that order.

"Anyway, don't hit on Lilli, Vash will make good on his threat to shoot you. Uh, don't hit on Elizaveta, I've tried that, and her frying pan _hurts_. I hope you're not messed up enough to hit on your brother's boyfriend, but just to warn you, don't hit on Arthur. He'll try to curse you with black magic, it won't work, and Alfred will come and make it very clear why you should not flirt with his boyfriend. That's all I think, wait, there's more. Don't hit on Lukas, Soren will glare at you and then threaten you with his axe when Lukas isn't around. He wants to date Lukas, but Lukas tells him no whenever he asks Lukas to go out with him."  
>"Another person has an axe?" Matthew felt faint. He really did not like sharp metal objects.<p>

"Yeah. Aren't you going to eat?"Gilbert questioned.

How could he act like this was normal? Matthew wondered. This was totally freaking him out.

"Uh, sure," He stammered in answer to Gilbert's question. He put fruit and cold cuts onto his plate, along with some bread.

"Usually, there is some hot dish for dinner, but since not everyone has arrived at school yet, they just set out sandwiches," Gilbert said through a mouth of bread.

Matthew nodded, spreading some mayonnaise on his sandwich to buy himself some time way from the table. _And with Gilbert, _his treacherous mind provided. Shaking his head firmly, he turned around, following Gilbert back to the table. He could only hope everything had calmed down.

Predictably, Gilbert was incapable of arriving quietly. "Yo, the awesome is here!" He exclaimed, bounded to the empty seat at the end of the table. Everyone looked like they could care less. They were still occupied with their various activities that Matthew did not want to see. He was about to go sit down far, far away from everyone else when someone (guess who?) grabbed his wrist.

"Birdie, why're you running away from the awesome? Sit by me." Gilbert commanded, pouting.

Matthew sighed and sat down next to Gilbert. He really needed to get better at saying no. _Or maybe you wanted to sit by him_, his treacherous mind whispered, causing him to choke. Gilbert pounded on his back, prattling on about choking and his awesomeness. Frankly, Matthew didn't want to know how they were connected. He took deep shuddering breaths, thankful for the air.

Matthew survived the meal somehow. Probably because he did his best to be unobtrusive. Alfred was busy talking to Arthur, who seemed to be insulting him and blushing. Matthew was glad he found someone who made him happy. He just wasn't sure why Arthur (who seemed sensible) was doing with Arthur.

Gilbert was talking to Antonio and Francis about a prank they were planning. Matthew did his best to ignore them. If they were caught, he was going to use the excuse of "plausible deniability" so he wouldn't be accused with them.

After dinner, Matthew was hoping he could just go to his room and collapse. Unfortunately, Gilbert had other ideas. He wanted to show Matthew the armory. Matthew knew it would be a good idea, especially since he (apparently) had to learn how to use a weapon. He couldn't say he was looking forward to that.

They walked to the armory, Matthew politely listening to Gilbert's rambling (it was pretty amusing). When they stepped into the armory, Matthew gasped at the _largeness_ of it. It was as big a gym, and filled to the brim with weapons. They were all organized too. Matthew was lost. A voice interrupted his shocked thoughts.

"So Birdie, have you thought of what weapon you want to use?" Gilbert questioned.

Matthew shook his head 'no' quickly. Then shyly said, "What do you use?"

"I use the awesome broadsword of course!" Gilbert exclaimed. "Here I can show you it."

He went over to the wall and picked up a sword with ease. Matthew knew he probably wouldn't be able to lift that kind of sword. Gilbert brought it over to him.

"I'm one of the only ones who use a sword. The others don't." Gilbert explained.

"What do the other people use?" Matthew questioned, looking up at him.

Gilbert blushed (Matthew had no idea why) and stuttered, " Um, basically, most of them use guns. There are exceptions though. I think Arthur uses a crossbow. Elizaveta uses a frying pan. It's a lot more dangerous than it sounds. Do you have any idea what you want to use?"

Matthew shook his hand no, examining the sword in Gilbert's hand. He didn't think a sword would suit him, but he wasn't sure about a gun either. He wished he didn't have to choose anything.

"That's ok, you can think about it and decide later," Gilbert's voice broke through his thoughts. "We have all weekend before school starts."

Matthew just nodded, exhaustion and jet lag hitting him. He struggled to stay awake as Gilbert put his sword away. He vaguely remembered following Gilbert out of the armory, but he couldn't remember anything else when he woke up the next morning. He supposed that Gilbert must have carried him back. _That was nice of him,_ Matthew thought. _I'll have to thank him when he wakes up._ Then he rolled over and promptly fell back asleep.


	7. Chapter 7

**A/N: Sorry this is late! Junior year is stressful. I took three hard finals today, came home, and finished this. I am considerably less stressed now. I don't own Hetalia. If I did, I would be able to afford more books.**

He woke a couple of hours later to shaking. "Birdie…birdie…you gotta get up now. Cause I'm so awesome I decided to wake you up before I went to the dining hall so you could have someone to make sure you didn't get lost-oomph!"

Gilbert was promptly shut up with a pillow to the face. Matthew mentally congratulated himself on the bull's eye hit, then rolled over and tried to go back to sleep (briefly wondering why it felt like déjà vu, but decided it wasn't important).

He fell asleep to the sounds of Gilbert dressing and muttering to himself.

When he woke up, it was a much more normal time (around 10). What time had Gilbert woken him anyway? 7? He didn't want to get out of bed, but he was hungry. Getting up, he found some clothes (he was glad he had unpacked yesterday). Luckily, there was a bathroom connected to the room, so he didn't have to wander around searching for a shower. After he was cleaned up, he walked out the door, making sure to lock it with his key.

Once out in the hallway, he tried to remember how to get to the cafeteria from his room. Unfortunately, he took several wrong turns and ended up very lost. He didn't see anyone, and to make matters worse, he was getting hungrier by the minute. Finally, he heard raised voices and walked toward him.

He turned the corner to see two boys in the midst of a furious argument.

"Kept your damn cats out of our room! They're getting cat hair all over my stuff."

"Do I look like I care? My cats distract me from the fact that I have to share a room with an old bastard like _you."_

"Um, excuse m-"

"Well, what makes you think I enjoy sharing a room with a brat like _you?"_

Matthew didn't want to get in the middle of the argument, so he just stayed silent and waited for it to end. He hoped it would be soon.

"You're just jealous that people actually want to be with me."

"Really. And where are they? No matter what happens, you always come back to hang out with me."

"I always come back to our room to be with my adorable cats. Not to be with you. You wouldn't know adorable if it hit you in the face."

"I really hate to interrupt, but-"

"I do know adorable. I know its Kiku and not you!"

At this point, they were both glaring at each other and huffing.

"Could one of you please show me where the cafeteria is?" Matthew managed to get though an entire sentence this time. But that didn't mean they paid attention to him. They just kept glaring…and glaring…and Matthew was sure they would have continued glaring at each other forever if there hadn't been a disturbance. And by disturbance, Matthew meant being knocked over by a hug from behind, causing him to emit a large squeak.

This caused the two boys to quit their glaring and turn to see what was creating the racket. What they saw would have surprised anyone. Matthew was sure it would have surprised him if he had been able to see it. But he couldn't see it, for the simple reason that he was being flattened by at least one person, maybe more.

"Bloody git! You're crushing your brother. Get off him!" an irritable voice said. Matthew could tell it was Arthur, which meant that the person hugging him was Alfred.

"Oops. Sorry Mattie."

Matthew thought Alfred sounded entirely too cheerful. He was crushing his one and only brother, but apparently that did not weigh too heavily on Alfred's conscience.

He was going to scold Alfred, but all he could say was "Ufff." He needed air. Desperately. And then he could give Alfred a piece of his mind. But when he finally had his breath back, Arthur was yelling at Alfred for Matthew. And Matthew didn't want to interrupt him. He had quite a nice rant going. Or he did until Alfred started to kiss him. Not wanting to see what was going to happen next (he knew it would involve groping), he turned to the two who had been arguing (and were now confused) and asked them for directions to the cafeteria. They gave them to him, still not sure about what was going on. He arrived at the cafeteria after a couple of minutes of walking.

Getting food, he wondered what he was going to do today. Hmm…the library sounded nice, and perhaps he could go to the weapons room for a short while.

Getting his food, he noticed Gilbert, Antonio, and Francis sitting with their heads together. Not wanting to bother them, he quietly went to another table and began to eat. Of course, he wasn't left alone for long. Gilbert plopped next to him and was joined by Francis and Antonio. Matthew greeted them with a polite hello, but continued eating. At least until Francis's question broke the silence.

"So, mon cher, do you like boys?"

Matthew choked on his food at the direct question. Gilbert pounded him on the back, and he was able to breathe again.

"That's rather a private question to ask someone you just met. But y-yes I d-do." Matthew replied, his face burning. He wasn't used to being noticed like this! At his old school, he made sure to blend in with the background. He had been so good at it, and then he came here, and people could see him.

Tuning backing into what Francis was saying he caught, "—so would you like to go out with me?"

Matthew's eyes widened. He had only known Francis for a day and had hardly talked to him.

"Um, thank you the offer, but no." Matthew replied with as much dignity as he could muster.

"Why not? It is well known that the French are the best lovers. Let me teach you how to kiss, to touch, to make – uff!"

Matthew was very thankful that Gilbert had elbowed him in the stomach, shutting him up. Matthew was red enough already.

Gilbert leaned toward him. "Hey Birdie, what do you say we ditch these losers and go to the weapons room to find one for you?"

Matthew sighed, knowing he wasn't going to get out of this.

"Fine, but we have to go to the library after that."

"Deal Birdie! C'mon, let's go."

Gilbert didn't let Matthew finish his breakfast before he pulled him away from the table. Frankly, Matthew didn't mind. Francis was looking at him like he wanted to eat him. Matthew was just glad to get away.


	8. Chapter 8

**A/N: So sorry this is late! Academic Decathlon has taken over my life. You can thank Kitsugun4 for yelling at me to update. There is an OC in this chapter, based of my AP World teacher. Hope that doesn't bother anybody. I don't own Hetalia, unfortunately. **

"So have you given any thought to which weapon you want?" Gilbert asked Matthew as they strolled to the weapons room.

Matthew shook his head. He definitely didn't want a weapon.

"Don't worry Birdie! We'll find one for you that's almost as awesome as mine!" Gilbert boasted.

Matthew just rolled his eyes and smiled. He just knew he would be doing that a lot in the future.

When they got to the weapons room, they heard lots of yelling. Matthew didn't know that fighting involved making as much noise as humanly possible. Matthew was sure this school would be the death of him. Or at least give him many headaches.

When they walked in, Matthew saw the two arguing boys from earlier fighting. Their weapons had been abandoned on the side, and they were wrestling. It was probably a good thing, as their weapons were a catapult and a bow and arrow. Definitely long range weapons.

Gilbert ignored them, walking over to the weapons. Matthew followed him warily, skirting the two wrestling boys.

"Um…is that common?" he hesitatingly asked Gilbert.

Gilbert nodded, paying attention to the weapons instead of the wrestling match right behind him. "They always fight. We can't figure out whether they actually hate each other or if they like each other and don't want to admit it. Francis, Antonio, and I actually have a bet going about that. Francis won our last bet, so I hope I win this one."

Matthew was almost afraid to ask, but…"What was your last bet about?" he inquired.

"How long before Feliciano admitted he and Ludwig were dating. We knew about it, but neither of them would admit to anything," Gilbert replied, still looking over the weapons.

Not as bad as Matthew expected, then.

"Here, try this," Gilbert instructed, handing Matthew a pistol.

Matthew wrinkled his hose in distaste.

"No thank you. I have a question, actually," he said, carefully putting the gun back where it belonged. "You say this is a spy school, right? And spies are supposed to be inconspicuous. So why the large sword, catapult, and bow and arrow? Aren't they a little obvious?"

Gilbert nodded, "I see what you're saying. But we've been training with them so long we know how to hide them so no one will see them and be suspicious. But since you're new, you'll want something small and inconspicuous."

Matthew supposed it made sense. He picked up a small knife from the wall.

"How about this, then?" he questioned. Truthfully, Matthew liked the idea of knife fighting. He could make sure to injure instead of kill.

Gilbert examined the knife. "Yeah, it would work. C'mon, let's try it out!" he whooped, dragging Matthew out the door to the target room.

One their way out, Gilbert yells, "Don't kiss each other too much while we're gone! Someone else might come in."

Matthew hears two simultaneous shouts of denial. Gilbert just cackles maniacally and leads him to the target room.

After several hours in the practice room, Matthew feels reasonably comfortable with his new weapon. Matthew then made Gilbert show him the library and stayed in there the rest of the day, ignoring Gilbert's whining. Dinner isn't very quiet, but Matthew is (somewhat) accustomed to it by now. Luckily, he adjusts fast. The next day was much the same as the last, spent relaxing and ignoring Gilbert.

He went to bed early, dreading the first day of school. His uniform had been delivered in the middle of the night. He put it on with trembling hands. Gilbert dragged him to breakfast, where he ate a little.

Gilbert, Antonio, and Francis walked with him to class. Lovino joined them, scowling at Antonio for being too happy early in the morning. The class chatted while Matthew looked around at everyone. He saw many people he knew, including Alfred, Arthur, most of the people he had met that first day, and some new faces.

"I thought you failed this class and that's why you had to repeat it, so why are there so many people here?" Matthew whispered to Gilbert, confused.

"Well, a lot of people skipped the final to help us prank, so they all had to retake the class. And there weren't enough people for another class, so everyone has to retake it," Gilbert replied.

Then the bell rang. The door slammed and footsteps stalked down the hallway toward the classroom.

"Good morning charming and delightful students," a woman's voice said. A woman came into the room.

"Good morning, class. I see most of you are returning from last year. This year you will all be expected to take your final. No excuses!" as she said this, she pounded her hand on the desk, spilling some of her coffee.

Matthew had no idea how he was expected to live through this class, especially with Gilbert sitting next to him, snickering.

"Gilbert Beilschmidt, stop laughing and sit up! You're irritating my soul."

Matthew was really scared.


End file.
